Missed Connections

missed connections: where craigslisters go to shoddily express their woes over having not gotten the name of that fine piece of flesh they let slip into the city's business; and/or where Thea goes to make an example of their poorly worded desperation. Each week, help her make examples of the lovelorn and illiterate as she picks to pieces their silly, silly personals posts. FACE!

The trouble with missed connections is we deriders rarely, if ever, get word as to the results of the few-and-far-between connections. Totally busy broads such as yours truly are forced to fantasize as to the outcomes. Lucky for me, I'm ridiculously great at making things up. So this week, I'm gonna share with you my incredible knack for knowing what's up, as I provide endings to a couple of ads that reek of answerability…

missed connections: where craigslisters go to shoddily express their woes over having not gotten the name of that fine piece of flesh they let slip into the city's business; and/or where Thea goes to make an example of their poorly worded desperation. Each week, help her make examples of the lovelorn and illiterate as she picks to pieces their silly, silly personals posts. FACE!

Ain't nothin' feel worse than the silent treatment. I mean, if I ask whether you Like that? Yeah? Just like that?, I'm kind of in need of a response. That said, I was feeling a little sorry for the missed connections participants in that most of their posts remain largely unanswered. And if you really enjoyed that barbiturate-brought-on BJ you received from anonym number 63, why SHOULDN'T you have her again via a missed connections connection? I'm all about helping a brother find another who helped that brother out. After the jump, you'll be pleased to discover that there be others who are happy to participate in a missed connectee's search for what-the-eff-ever. And what?

missed connections: where craigslisters go to shoddily express their woes over having not gotten the name of that fine piece of flesh they let slip into the city’s business… and/or where Thea goes to make an example of their poorly worded desperation. Each week, help her make examples of the lovelorn and illiterate as she picks to pieces their silly, silly personals posts. FACE!

Ah, Park Slope. You baby, doggy, lesi boasting bit of Brooklyn. How could there possibly be a single lost soul in your mix? I mean, I live in you, and I'm lousy with lovers and babies and doggies and…friends. But apparently, there be some people experiencing missed connections. And, boy, are they ever douchey. So, saddle up the stroller, bitches. Missed Connections is where I give the ridiculously desperate something to really cry about. And by “ridiculously desperate,” I'm definitely referring to the personals-posting peeps of craigslist. Giddy up! Today we ride in the Slope.

Although my parents (and a couple of girls who my openmouthed kisses and groping fists might have accidentally run into) may not be convinced, I am totally not into chicks (both figuratively and prosthetically…not into chicks). And I could go on at length as to why I'm pro-he, but unlike some shes, I'm aware that the way to his hard-on isn't through T-A-L-K. But the kids on craigslist’s Missed Connections seem to think so. After the jump, I find all the escaped mental patients that want to woo you out of your underoos so you don’t have to.

It's music that keeps the Craigslisters typing their lonely hearts away searching for love. But it's also the reason for bad writing, bad puns, and bad come ons. Do you people really think this is going to work? Oh wait. You do! After the jump, let's get down with The Rock Lobster.